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women and sexual revolution
Advice, Feminism, Life Lessons, Perspective, Sexism

Sexual Revolution: Victim is Not Synonymous With Women

This topic has reared it’s weary head all year. It has ignited energies and voices from the bushes. As a woman, and a self-proclaimed cheerleader for women and our progression in many forms — of course I am reading up and keeping an eye on sexual harassment/assault statements that Hollywood has yielded us with. We have all become overwhelmingly consumed in them; meanwhile, in ‘real-life’, these occurrences have been plaguing the average woman for centuries. While the rich and famous are broadcasting their “#MeToo” stories, the ordinary folks have their own. And while some of these stories contain truly disturbing points that are rightfully alarming, others — I, myself, tend to question: Is she a victim of sexual harassment, or is she a woman who could not project her voice when appropriately needed?

The words ‘women’ and ‘victim’ have become a little too synonymous for me,

and I wonder if I am the only one trying to redefine our stature as women dealing with this issue.

I read an article a few days back written by a 20-something year old guy. The article was his apology to a friend he felt he almost took (sexually) advantage of in college. I applaud his sense of reflectiveness, and his character for shining a positive male perspective on this topic — but as I read, I could not help but think that maybe, just maybe he wasn’t necessarily in the wrong here. Brief synopsis of him recalling his memory: he was friends with this woman, she invited him over, she allowed him to get in her bed, he expressed his romantic feelings towards her, he then made intimate moves on her, she reciprocated. When asked if she was “OK?”, her response was that she “didn’t want to ruin their friendship.” Upon those verbal exchanges and some more intimate moments, he ultimately stopped his advances sensing her hesitation to continue. The article, in my opinion, was a confession of his lingering guilty feelings for being what he was in the moment — a horny dude.

A man who was not properly told by his lady friend that she did not want to ensue on their sexual rendezvous. He used her lack of words as ‘maybe she actually did.’

sexual abuse; meetoo;rape culture

I am not here to defend men when they are being excessively overt pricks who cannot contain themselves in sexual situations, nor am I here to write off the real sexual predators who take advantage of vulnerable people, and I am definitely not here to express male sympathy in a time where women’s voices are so well heard and taken seriously (for once). What it did get me thinking about is that we, as women, have such amazing hidden powers within us, sometimes failing to exercise them in situations that are deemed situations of exposure for us, situations that make us feel paper-thin, situations that society has heavily weighed on us with conflicting opposition.

The power of having and maintaining our directive words can mean the difference between feeling “taken advantage of” in instances as such, or feeling utterly and fiercely “in control”.

The Vagina, The Yoni, The Sacred Space, The Pussy — whichever you would like to refer to it as, is an extremely coveted, and when need be — dictatorial organ. Women need to defend this bodily rose garden as such. Your mind and voice act as the fortress to protect this space. In simpler words, women need to fix their mouths to say “no” when they are not up for having sexual interactions of any kind. We are many of times better equipped with emotional intelligence than our male counterparts, sometimes all it takes is honing into and preaching this as encouragement to women who think otherwise, or for those who are not aware of these natural abilities. Developing emotional intelligence — as a collective, is necessary for increasing the chances of gainful communication on both ends. Stop letting and allowing the excuse for displaying uncomfortable body language as a sign to these men, stop the mind games during the act that leaves the guy having to guess whether you are into it or not, use the human gift of words to express your disinterest in the situation, and make it crystal clear. I understand that women come from all walks of life, these walks being: culturally, personality-wise, experiences; they all may decide how one reacts in situations — and again, this is not to discredit women who have certainly been in sexual situations where they have blatantly said “no” in heated moments and were ignored by men who had nothing more but selfish interest nestled in their mind; and I am certainly not dimming the efforts of many women out there who are in fact oblivious in seeing how their very own mousey afflictions impact their unfavorable sexual outcomes. All women, in some shape or form have been victim to that. For some odd reason, unconsciously shrinking and weakening ourselves in questionable sexual encounters have become the norm. Looking back, I can vividly recall a period where I did just that, and it makes me shudder inside. My two main reactionary reasons being: I strangely and illogically had an urge to appease someone, or, I would mentally convince myself that my feelings towards an adverse sexual event were simply me being melodramatic. Why is this the dominant narrative I seem to often recognize when I read some of these confessionals of predatory behavior?

pussy power

Maybe there can be another approach that alleviates these cases, and the approach can begin with exchanges of meticulous words. I want to hear less victim stories in the news — and although these stories hold incremental value that begin movements of enormous degrees, I want see even more dialogue based off upholding self-empowerment. I want to see crops of women, women who have lived through these similar, yet complex, tractor-pull of thoughts and emotions to speak to our little girls about avoiding these patterns before it happens to them. I want to see and relate to women, women like the women I choose to surround myself with now, who instill a sense of respect so potent, that the very act of a man even thinking about crossing that boundary would be unimaginable — after all, you teach others how to treat you. I want women to not be afraid of being that “prude bitch” when a guy cannot get his way with her. I want women to protect their sexual energy and mind like their life depended on it because we live in a world where men are so focused on it, from our everyday encounters with them to the damn government. I want to hear and read more conversations that pertain to cracking the discussion on sexual encounters. I want to hear more stories that are consensual and good in every way, I want these stories — when brought up, to be fond stories for women. I want women to be brave and loving to themselves, and through being those two things, a waterfall of confidence can lead them through a healthy and pleasant sexual journey.

I want our boys, who will grow into men, raised knowing how bountiful these vocalized limits and boundaries can be on both ends, but especially for her— and though they may not grasp all of the reasons why, they will try to understand anyway.

I want these boys and men to acknowledge and be aides in the topic of empowering women to voice themselves more, bridge the gap that falsely and stereotypically explains how women should be and act in sexual settings. I want to take our reigns back and rewrite the sexual story line that is now defined by harassment.

Maybe all of my “wants” are exorbitant. Maybe all of my “wants” are lofty. It will be a boulder of pressure on women to attain all in one shot.

But what I surely know is that they are possible.

We as women need to do our part in educating others with the power of simply speaking up with detailed verbiage when we find fit, and not shutting up when we start feeling uneasy. How exactly do we start a sexual revolution where victim is not synonymous with women anymore? It must start with us flipping the script on society, a society full of people who do not expect us to voice our wants and needs, especially when it comes to sex.

Intention setting
Advice, Fitness, Life Lessons

How to Start Your Morning with the BEST VIBES EVER

What my typical morning used to look like:
Hit the snooze button 3 times (minimum). Less than 15-minutes to get up and out the door. Rush to get ready. No time for food. Run to squish on a crowded subway or sit in traffic before finally making it to work, where the real grind begins. By that time, I’m already stressed and all off my game. Sound familiar?
From the moment I opened my eyes, I was rushed, which resulted in feeling exhausted before even arriving at work. That’s when I realized something had to change. Here is how I managed to change all that and start my day the right way:

1. Do Not Hit Snooze!
Those extra 15-minutes of sleep, although they feel good in the moment, actually do nothing for you energy-wise. The time between buzzes is so short you never fall back into deep sleep, and this also messes with your body clock. Instead, condition your body to wake up right when it hears the alarm until it becomes second-nature to wake up at the first buzz.

Chug water when you wake up

2.Chug a Full Glass of Water
(or half a bottle) as soon as you wake up. While you’re asleep, your body becomes really dehydrated. You just went 7-9 hours without any water! Chugging water fires up your metabolism, removes symptoms of fatigue, helps flush out toxins your body cast out while you were asleep making room to absorb the nutrients from your breakfast.

3. Reach for my chews
Orange flavored Vitamin C chew from GNC, and Olly Endless Energy gummy. If you happen to sleep with a partner, friend, child, dog, whomever – they will appreciate it because this is a great way to mask morning breath. My boyfriend actually greets me with a “Hey Vitamin Girl” followed by a kiss every morning(LOL) These flavors cleanse my palette, taste good, and the mixture of antioxidants and caffeine let me know its time to wake up.

My morning vitamins

4. Twenty-Minute Run
For me, this is between 2.5-3 miles, just enough to get my heart rate up and break a little sweat. I like to get my cardio done first thing, while I’m still a little groggy. I also take this time to catch up on my favorite podcasts (6 Podcasts that Will Enhance Your Life) or listen to music. (20-Min Playlists According to your Mood) You can do this outside or on the treadmill (5 Fat Blasting [20-Min] Treadmill Routines). If running isn’t your thing, try a 20-Min HIIT routine instead.

5. Recharge
I light a candle to benefit from the aromatherapy their scent provides. (Here are My Favorite Candles to Light in the Morning) Today I chose my Syracuse Orange Lumi candle. The crisp scents of blood orange, grapefruit and bergamot uplift and eliminate anxiety and stress. Now is when I take a few minutes to write in my gratitude log and set my intention for my day. Doing this daily has made such a huge impact on my overall attitude and mood.

Intention setting
Pull your yoga mat out. Start by sitting in a comfortable position. Inhale, and exhale deeply. Bring awareness to your heart. Actually bring your hands to your heart now.

Ask yourself: “How do I want to feel today?” Do you want to feel: Happy, loved, thoughtful, motivated? Choose the feeling that you most identify with and focus on it.

Observe the movement in your breath as you inhale your good intentions, and exhale all grudges, negative emotions, and anything holding you down. Do this for about a minute or two. I then take 2 more minutes to write in my 5-Minute Journal where I list the 3 things I am grateful for that day.
(If you want more details on how I set my intention every day, read “How 5-Minutes of Daily Intention Setting Can Change your Life“)

6. Flow it out
I follow my intention with a 15-20 Minute yoga flow. I’m very mindful about each movement and keep my intention throughout the flow. (More about The Importance of Mindful Exercise) Here are some short yoga flows you can do at home: (20-Minute Vinyasa flow; 15-Minute Hip Opening Yoga Flow)

Mood altering scents

7. Take an Energizing Shower
Light your favorite incense and play your favorite tunes before lathering up. I love these soaps (Stress Relieving scent & Energy scent) from Bath & Body. I alternate between the two depending on how I feel, and I really find it improves my mood. * Get 25% off your entire order if you use code AIRISCRISP through Labor Day!

Face products for clear skin

8. Skincare Routine, Look Good, Feel Good ✓ 
Find what products work for you and apply them daily. I use a toner, serum, eye cream and spf moisturizer. I also moisturize my entire body with the citrus or eucalyptus scents from Bath & Body. Again, love this stuff. Make sure you choose your outfit the night before and its waiting for you when you get out the shower. Doing this makes you feel put together and you don’t have to waste any time choosing in the morning.

Raspberry smoothie; easy-to-make smoothie; chia seeds; hemp seeds

Raspberry Smoothie

9. Breakfast & More Vitamins
I hard boil 5 eggs every Sunday night and eat one every morning Mon-Fri. I make myself my morning smoothie to drink on the way to work. (Click here for: My Favorite Smoothie Recipes) I also take a multivitamin, a Hair, Skin & Nails vitamin and one for anti-stress. (Read this for A Peek Inside my Vitamin Arsenal)
Don’t forget to mark your calendar on the way out with a “Check” and a “Smiley” (✓ Means you completed your workout, and 🙂 Means you had a nutritious breakfast)

Goal Tracking Calendar

Try this routine out tomorrow morning, and conquer the rest of your day with a feeling of accomplishment.

*This post was not sponsored. All products mentioned were mentioned because I use them daily, and I love the way they make me feel.

be confident
Advice, Life Lessons

Bitch-Whispering 101- How to Properly Deal with a Bitch

At one point in our lives (or perhaps more times than one can count) you’ve felt bitched out by an individual. Just when you thought you have met your pinnacle of zen, someone’s funky attitude and energy rushes through. This can really be unsettling, you find yourself questioning your foundations, whether or not you are in fact this newfound woman/man of internal control. You suddenly find yourself going from zero to ‘might slap-a-hoe’ real quick (figuratively speaking of course, no endorsements of violence here). What is the proper way to deal?

Now, before going any further, let us clarify that a ‘Bitch’ can be used in reference to both, male and female.

It is time to relinquish the female “Bitch” connotation that was created as a form of shaming a strong woman. When society has tethered its nasty fingers into defining a word solely as a negative feminine staple, you know things aren’t quite right. Truth is, I’m sure we have all encountered the male-bitch more than female-bitch, it just is not labeled as so, or scrutinized to such high degrees.

So, I got to thinking to myself, whenever I feel the surge of others bitchy personas and attitudes, or maybe it’s my very own Bitch rearing its ugly head ready to reciprocate

— how can I reel it in and convert it into a tool of self-restraint and power? After all, how you treat others is a reflection of you.

Below, I’ve listed the 5 bitchy individuals one may encounter in their lives, and how you can take them on full-throttle with intelligence, kindness, and most importantly, righteousness. Long live protecting your inner peace!

1. The Mean Bitch

This right here is the most written about, and possibly most complained-about Bitch of all time. The Creme-De-La creme of all Bitches. This is also literally, the easiest one to deal with. If you just get to the bottom of all that concerns this Bitch, you will realize that this Bitch is actually a very Sad Bitch.

Translation: a sad, sad person who literally cannot function in the world properly without spewing Bitch-assness on anyone they assume will take it.

He/She still lives in their loser grade school heyday of running shit (that is super depressing to think about for starters). Being such a repulsive person to others gives them a rotten serotonin rush of sorts, one that temporarily alleviates their self-perception of lameness. But yet, here is the kicker in dealing with this Bitch; you simply have to nip them in the bud from the very beginning. A Mean Bitch will not even test you if you make it straight that you are not the one who will take their bulk of meanness. Have some empathy for them (I know it’s hard), create your backbone, stabilize your confidence, and this Mean Bitch will not even get the chance to penetrate your good vibes.

no drama

Deuces to the drama

2. The Egotistical Bitch

Flashback to the childhood best friend you had. Not the really amazing one, I’m talking about the shitty one. The one who would make you do all the bad stuff, then somehow would swindle their way out of taking the blame for it. The one who would always tell you that your “one” would come, yet somehow managed to steal your crush right from under your nose. Yea, THAT Bitch.

They probably helped in creating some insecurities that you still have till this day. This was likely a very one-sided relationship — in part being: this Bitch is always out for themselves. Dare they stop to think about the effects their actions will have on others; this is never looming in their mind. They live in their own bubble of Ego, and I’m sorry to reveal — there is no cure for this Bitch. However, what you can do is let them live in this delusional world they have consumed themselves in, and play the cool one.

The Egotistical Bitch wants a challenge, they want competition, they want all the control. Once you wipe them clean of that control over you — (i.e., hurting your feelings, taking advantage of you) you lend them no power in succeeding their Bitch-ass ways onto you.

They will — unfortunately, find a new target, finagle them into becoming their puppet, and convince them that they are on their team, when in actuality, they are on a team, and it’s called “Team ME”. Don’t play along, pass!

3. The Self-Loathing Bitch

This Bitch, is called a Bitch for reasons. Many may sympathize with this type of Bitch, but no ma’am, not you. This Bitch is the Debbie Downer to life. They will refuse to see the bright side to any situation, they will nitpick to no means, and maybe, if you’re just so luckless, you’ll find them shitting on your own life whilst they shit on theirs, all without ill-intentions, but definitely with no sign of digressing (who exactly sent for them?!)

This is the Bitch that you either have to self-prescribe medication to, or seriously prep yourself before deep diving into yet another exasperating conversation to ease them up. This is when I ask you: does this Bitch add any value to your life? Can you sustain their negativity? Are you truly willing to be the horse power to this wagon of shit they will continuously wheel to you? If you cannot answer ‘yes’ to any of these questions… this may be a lost cause. If you can, you need to mobilize and get your Oprah-on with this Bitch.

The Self-Loathing Bitch is called a Bitch because they simply are not sweet and helpless all of the time, they tend to be nasty and irrational too — talk about a jacked up rollercoaster ride. They will lash out on you due to their deep sorrow of whatever is bothering them. Whether it be how Exhaustedddd they are after just returning from vacation, or that new stretch mark they acquired within the past week, guess what — it’s now your problem too.

In order to tolerate a Self-Loathing Bitch you must truly love them, and that is the real take away on dealing with this Bitch.

Think of it as a project you constantly have to work through, hell, you may learn a few things on your own going through this journey of being a constant crutch — therapist in your near future, anyone?

4. The Attention Seeking Bitch

The Attention Seeking Bitch will be the pity party and the life of the party all at once. (How the fuck?! You’re thinking.) These Bitches are experts at never being the shadow of anything. Throwing a Birthday get-together for yourself? This is the Bitch that will show up with a juicy life drama to steer all of the attention away from you. Everyone having a great time on the “friend’s only” trip? This Bitch will be miserable, somehow, someway—no amount of tequila can satiate them. So, how to go about handling this Bitch?

I’ve realized by acknowledging the Attention in which they seek for, right to their face, in a non-confrontational way is key. Get to the root of the problem with this Bitch.

The Attention Seeking Bitch is the runner-up to the Egotistical Bitch, they are also the cousin to the Undercover Bitch. Pretty much, you’ve got a bundle of many layers of Bitch to deal with.

In acknowledging the Attention Seeking Bitch, many would think “No! That’s the last thing you want to do!”, but it is actually the FIRST thing you should do. In acknowledging their self-centered ways, you bring to light that you are onto their act. You also forefront that you will not entertain it. That person not having fun on the Vegas trip you tediously planned for everyone? Give them an ultimatum — either shape up, or get excluded from any future activities planned by you. That Attention Seeking Bitch snagging the attention on your birthday? Acknowledge their melodramatic condition, then pour a shot to it, ending it right then and there. Erhm, excuse me, but I came here to celebrate my life, did you come here to celebrate your shitty situation?

All of their attention seeking issues can wait, and it’s OK to be the one to make it known. You kind of have to act as if you’re rearing a disobedient child — hint, the disobedient child is the Attention Seeking Bitch in this case. They may not like your blatant disinterest in their never ending problems, but they will be forced to recognize that it is not appropriate to unleash their emotional vomit just anywhere, around everyone. Au’revoir! Attention whore!

bitch please

When you’ve perfected your eye-roll

5. The Undercover Bitch

This is the Bitch you never suspect at first. They appear to be the epitome of a friend, a lover, a work wife/husband. This is quite possibly the worst Bitch one will encounter in one’s life. Undercover Bitch graduated with a Master’s in Manipulation. They sort of aced life by being conniving and deceiving— some real borderline personality disorder shit. I’ve gotten to the point where I can sniff out an Undercover Bitch by their perfume/cologne; if you have yet to gain this super power, here is how you deal with one:

An Undercover Bitch feeds off of you in every way. They morph themselves based on what you disclose to them. This being said, tread slowly with what you say and reveal to them. This is all stored away for ammunition when you ignore their text, or don’t compliment them on their new blah hair-do. (Yes, this is how petty these bitches are.) The Undercover Bitch may use subtle disses, but never let them go unseen when in the moment.

Undercover Bitch Friend: “Hey, I saw Josh the other day and he asked about you. I told him that you left that miserable job you had, and finally moved out of your parents place— what a loser! He looked really fat too.”

Take notice of how the Undercover Bitch does not make mention of your new AWESOME job, and also doesn’t highlight your upgraded living situation in a flattering way.

In addition, you know that this Undercover Bitch Friend secretly despised your romantic relationship with this Josh guy ever since she drunkenly made a move on him a few years prior to you two dating, and he shut her down. Pay close attention to how their small back-handed comments and gestures play into the bigger picture.

Your response: “Oh, that’s so funny, I actually talked to Josh the other day too, and he mentioned he saw you. He said you were blabbering away, like usual. (Laugh as if you’re brushing the whole thing off), but leave the Bitch hyperventilating inside wondering if he spilled any of the shit-talk she inevitably spoke about you to him.

This may be a no-brainer to some: completely wipe this Bitch clean off your radar. Sometimes, this solution just takes way too much effort to fully work through. This particular species tends to be clingy and hard to shake off, no matter how hard you try. In this instance, keep it cordial, keep it friendly, but always keep a step ahead of this Bitch.


unbothered mirror-selfie 🙂

Not for nothing, there should really be adult reward systems for properly conducting oneself around a Bitch, and in doing so, curbing your own Bitch simultaneously. Do any of these Bitches listed above ring a bell in your life? Any new types we can add to the list and ponder on how to deal with? Drop them below!